


shouldn't be so complicated (just touch again)

by orphan_account



Series: Prompts [4]
Category: IT (2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe- College/University - Freeform, Angst, Communication Issues, Hurt and comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 12:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17425709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “What do you mean why?” Richie swallowed hard. “Eds. I have been in love with you since I was ten. You can’t play dumb because I told you, five years ago, and you told me that you love me but not like that.” Eddie made an odd noise, like a half aborted whine as Richie’s name, but Richie barrelled on. “That’s fine, okay, I get it and I never let it bother me. You’re one of the most important people in my entire life, with or without my stupid feelings, and I don’t ever want to loose you, okay?”[Prompt: 52: can we cuddle? + 39: i wish we could stay like this forever)





	shouldn't be so complicated (just touch again)

Richie waltzed into their dorm room with more confidence then he actually felt. Eddie looked up from his Chemistry textbook and pushed it away, smiling up at him. That stupid smile never failed to make Richie’s heart skip a beat and his stomach tense up for a moment. Richie had been completely and unashamedly crushing on Eddie Kaspbrak since he was nine years old, and he’d never had any qualms about letting anybody know. He’d told Eddie himself when they were fifteen. Eddie had assured him that while he didn’t return those feelings, he still loved Richie and they would always be friends. Richie hadn’t let that upset him for too long, brushing it off pretty easily because he knew it had been the best possible outcome he could have had.

Stan and Beverly had both told Richie that he’d been playing with fire by keeping things the same with Eddie after his confession. They promised that it was good that Eddie wasn’t freaking out, that they were still friends and that should stay friends, of course, but they believed that Richie should distance himself from Eddie. That Richie was just going to get himself hurt if he let himself keep staying friends with Eddie the way they’d always been friends. That even if Richie  _thought_ he knew where they stood, but he was still somewhat getting his hopes up with Eddie.

Stan and Richie had had the biggest fight of their life after Richie had told him he was going to be rooming with Eddie at UCLA. Stan had never yelled at Richie so harshly before, and Richie had never shot back such nasty, horrible things. They’d gone  _weeks_ without speaking to each other, right up until graduation when they’d both burst into tears at the sight of each other in the caps and gowns and been thrown into a hug. Neither of them ever apologized for the things they said, never fully addressed it ever again. It was obvious that Stan didn’t approve of the rooming agreement, but it just became another thing in their group of friends that nobody ever talked about.

“Hey, how was your exam?” Eddie asked, smiling at Richie so softly. Richie rolled his eyes, and dropped down on the bed. He pulled a package of Oreos out of his back pack and offered over towards Eddie. Richie wasn’t getting his hopes up with Eddie, he wasn’t. It had been five years since Eddie told him that he didn’t return his feelings, and Richie had never pushed it again. Sure, he’d never dated anybody else but not because he thought he’d ever be with Eddie, but because it wasn’t fair to get involved with a person when he couldn’t be all in.

“Exam was bullshit.” Richie assured his best friend as Eddie took two cookies from the plastic package. “Tell me again why I have to take Ancient Civilizations? It’s a stupid bird course.”

Eddie laughed. “You’re in a General BA, Richie.” He tussled his fingers through Richie’s knotted up curls. “All your courses are bird courses. You’re paying thousands of dollars a year to walk out of here with a whole lot of nothing.”

“Hey.” Richie laid backwards, his head coming to press up against Eddie’s chest. “I’m only here because my parents insisted that I go get to school. I don’t need a degree to be a comedian. I just need my pure, unkempt talent.”

“Oh, well, it’s too bad you don’t have that.” Eddie snickered, poking Richie in the cheek. Richie squirmed away, whacking at Eddie’s hands. Maybe it was moments like this that Richie had to wondered if Stan and Beverly were right, if maybe Richie  _did_ get his hopes up sometimes. When Eddie touches him so casually and playfully, and Richie’s heart leaps, and he wonders if maybe Eddie could’ve grown to like him back. Then Richie would shake those thoughts as far away as possible, because Richie had never hidden the fact that he liked Eddie and Eddie  _knew_ so if Eddie’s feelings grew then he would have told Richie. So, those small moments when Richie had hopes were just that; small moments.

“You wound me, Kaspbrak. Truly. Here I thought you loved me,” Richie rolled away from Eddie, clutching at his chest in mock pain. Eddie let out a small, disapproving noise before making grabby hands towards Richie. His eyebrows drove up under his curly hair as Eddie gave him a pout.

“Get back over here,” Eddie whined, his bottom lip jutting out in the cutest yet saddest possible way. “Chem is kicking my ass, and you’re a very welcome distraction.  **Can we cuddle**?”

Richie inhaled sharply and he could hear Stan’s voice ringing out in his head.  _Do not do that, Tozier, I swear I will kick your ass. Don’t fuck around, dumbass._ Richie should listen to his mental Stanley, he knows he should. Cuddling with Eddie crosses way over into out-of-bounds in their relationship, where the touchiness becomes coupley. Becomes more than what friends do. Richie shouldn’t let it happen, should know better.

But Richie Tozier had never been one for patience or self control, so after what was probably only a second of being mentally lectured by Stanley, Richie knocked Eddie’s textbook and notebook off the bed and dragged Eddie into his arms. Eddie curled up into him immediately, sighing happily, and nuzzling into Richie’s chest.

“I don’t know why you’re even taking Chem,” Richie said, stroking Eddie slowly on the back. He physically felt Eddie’s muscles relaxing into Richie’s touch and it made his pride (and heart) swell. “You’re in Business, what does Chemistry have to do with Business?”

“We need a certain amount of science credits to graduate,” Eddie mumbled into Richie’s chest. “I figured Chemistry would be easier than Physics or some shit.”

“I know we need science credits, I go to the same school,” Richie said. “Why didn’t you take Psychology or Sociology like everybody else? Social sciences are still sciences.”

“Wait, that’s an option!?!” Eddie shrieked, voice raising at least two octaves. He pulled away from Richie slightly, so that their arms were still wrapped around each other but Eddie could look into Richie’s eyes. Richie waggled his eyebrows.

“Of course, it’s an option?” Richie snickered. “What did you think I was doing?”

Eddie flushed silently. “Honestly? I thought you were putting off taking any sciences courses as long as you could until you fucked yourself over.”

“That’s….” Richie cried, in a forced, overly offended voice before cracking into a grin. “Valid.”

Eddie burst into giggles, buiring his face into the crook of Richie’s neck. Richie’s pulse jumped and he had to mentally remind himself to breathe. It wasn’t as though he and Eddie had never cuddled before, it had been a regular thing at Losers movie nights in high school and Richie firmly believed that they hugged more than anybody else in the Losers Club besides Ben and Beverly but this felt like so very much more. Laying in a bed, completely wrapped up in each other, and Richie couldn’t breathe.

**“I wish we could stay like this forever.”**  Eddie whispered into Richie’s skin.

Then Stanley was screaming at him inside his head and Beverly was jumping in with her words of advice. Richie let out a rough breath and he found himself pushing Eddie away. Eddie looked up with wide eyes, frowning slightly, and Richie’s cheeks burned. “Eddie, I-“ He sighed. Richie sat up and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. Eddie come up behind him, touching Richie lightly on the back. Richie jerked away.

“Okay, what’s wrong?” Eddie huffed out a harsh breath. Richie closed his eyes tightly and hunched in on himself. “Richie… Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Richie lied on a reflex. He frowned at himself and he clasped his hands tightly roughly. “Okay, that was a lie.”

“Yeah, obviously.” Eddie sounded so confused but Richie couldn’t turn around to look at him. He knew if he looked at Eddie’s face, then he’d crack and pull Eddie back into him and they cuddle to a movie and Richie would fall even more in loved with somebody he’d never be allowed to have. That would never love him back.

“I hate when Stanley is right,” Richie grumbled. “Okay, Eddie, I can’t do this. You’re my friend, like, my closest friend ever- don’t tell Bev or Stan I said that- but I just…can’t. Okay? I can’t cuddle you and pretend that it’s okay and I’m okay when it’s not and I’m not.”

Richie inhaled deeply and whirled around to look at Eddie. Eddie, who looked even more sad and confused than Richie had expected him to. Eddie had tugged the sleeves of his UCLA sweater down over his hands and was playing with the cuffs, and he was looking at Richie through his eyelashes. Richie’s throat felt like it was closing up and he squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m sorry, I know I’m being selfish, but I can’t anymore, Eds. Can we just- be normal friends?”

“Why?” Eddie said it so softly, so quietly, that Richie wasn’t even positive that he’d heard him properly. His eyes whipped open.

“What do you mean why?” Richie swallowed hard. “Eds. I have been in love with you since I was ten. You can’t play dumb because I told you, five years ago, and you told me that you love me but not like that.” Eddie made an odd noise, like a half aborted whine as Richie’s name, but Richie barrelled on. “That’s fine, okay, I get it and I never let it bother me. You’re one of the most important people in my entire life, with or without my stupid feelings, and I don’t ever want to loose you, okay?”

“Richie-“ Eddie reached out for him again but Richie threw himself to his feet. He was suddenly so overwhelmed with the need to  _get away_ that he almost grabbed his backpack and ran from the room. He held his ground though, knowing that if he booked right now his friendship with Eddie would never recover. They’d go from being too friendly friends to stranger who lived in the same room, and Richie couldn’t handle either of those things.

“No, no, Eds, I-“ Richie rubbed at his nose and mouth. “I  _love_ you. And I cannot lay around in your bed with you, cuddling you and holding you and…” Fuck, Richie was crying, wasn’t it? Of course he was. Why did he think he could go through this without breaking down. “I love you. You don’t love me, you  _told_ me you don’t, but you… You’re not leading me on, I know that, but it doesn’t help me to know things. Knowing things doesn’t help what I feel.”

Richie turned around slowly and found Eddie staring up at him in horror. His face was sickly pale and his lashes looked damp. Eddie swallowed hard, glanced down at the bed once and shook his head. “You said you had feelings for me  _once_ when we were fifteen. How was I supposed to know that they never went away? Its not like you ever said anything again.”

“Fuck, Eddie, what did you want me to do?” Richie shook his head. “Give you monthly updates on my emotions?  _hey, Eds, just wanting to let you know that even though you turned me down I still like you._ Just keep bringing up after you made it clear that you didn’t like me back? I wasn’t going to be that guy, Eddie.”

“Richie.” Eddie said firmly, punching his fist into the bed, sending cookies tumbling to the floor. “I didn’t know, okay? You told me you liked  _five years ago. Five._ You never brought it up again, you never… Was I just to assume that that I’m so amazing that you’d never get over me?”

The two men stared at each other before Richie let out a harsh breath. “It’s not like I ever showed an interest in anybody else. I told you I liked you, you said you didn’t like me and that was the end of it. I know that. I’m not trying to push you, I know you don’t like me like that. And I don’t  _care._ I don’t. I just can’t keep indulging myself in loving you so much.”

Eddie let out a small sob and Richie wanted to rip his own ears out rather than ever heard that sound again. “Five  _years_ , Rich… I was fifteen, I’d barely even accepted that I was gay then and I had the biggest hard on for Alex in our English class. How was I supposed to have any idea that your crush at fifteen years old would last longer than a few months? That didn’t happen to anybody else, we were so  _young_ , and…”

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Eds,” Richie said softly. “I’m not mad at you. I get it.”

“No, you don’t.” Eddie said harshly, finally pushing up off the bed to stand in front of Richie. “I didn’t like you when were fifteen and you told me how you felt. But that doesn’t mean I never did. Because, fuck, Richie, I think it would have been impossible for me not to fall in love with you. It just didn’t happen when I was fifteen. I was eighteen, and I just had a horrible time at our prom because all I could think about was dancing with you. And you hadn’t expressed feelings for me once in almost three years and I just figured I’d missed my chance.”

Richie stared at Eddie, completely slacked jawed and eyes blown wide. “Holy fuck…” He whispered, stepping close to Eddie. His hands dropped to Eddie’s waist and he tugged the man he loved to press against him. “We’re idiots.”

“I love you. I’m sorry.” Eddie whispered, dragging his hands up to wrap around Richie’s neck. Richie smiled softly, leaning in to let his nose brush against Eddie’s.

“Don’t apologize,” Richie laughed tearfully, pressing his lips harshly to Eddie’s. Eddie gasped and clutched at Richie’s body, pressing them together. They kissed frantically for a several minutes, standing in the middle of their dorm room, until Richie broke away from him with a shuddering sob. Eddie clung to him tightly, and pulled him so they collapsed onto the bed. Richie wrapped his legs around Eddie’s waist and Eddie settled on top of him, face pressed into Richie’s chest. Richie let out another small sob before giggling.


End file.
